I feel so fortunate to be sitting here with my healthy and cheery young boy and to be 36 weeks pregnant with my second little boy. I am at a loss for words when it descends to explaining how thankful I am for everything I am blessed with. But feeling appreciative is one thing and feeling completely drained is another. And amidst this pregnancy, I’ve encountered a great deal of both of those things.
My second pregnancy while it seems to have passed quickly has felt more difficult than my first. I at times ponder if maybe it’s just that I lost memory of how exhausted I felt while I was pregnant with June or maybe I was just as tired but possibly it’s how they say it is giving birth.. You quickly cease to think about the negatives since what’s bygone is bygone and you are left with the most priceless thing you can ever think of. Who knows- all I know is that amidst this pregnancy encompasses an actual fog of depletion.
I’ve depended on my husband a great deal more so these last couple of months- nonstop he’s been my lifesaver yet I’ve experienced a great deal of guilt regarding that. I frequently get disappointed in myself for depending on him this lot. I’ve pondered a lot of time how women that don’t have their spouses at house as much as I do are able to pull it off and that makes me more baffled at myself and indeed that triggers my Mommy-guilt where I interrogate myself if I am appropriate enough mother as I haven’t sat on the floor and played with my little one as much as I could have recently and because I ceased to do all of that, at 31 weeks pregnant being the one to take her swimming or playgroup. But instantaneously bring my thoughts to a halt and starts moving up the spiral of guilty thoughts I am experiencing. I’ll make myself remember for the 1000th time, how utterly absurd I am acting. I softly but strongly make myself remember that I am pregnant – developing another human being within me, a human being that I will be bringing in the world in a couple of weeks’ time and possessing no energy is an integral part and parcel of the huge duty that I am requesting my body to perform.
It’s presently less than a week away until baby’s due date and regardless of the on-off exhaustion, Ill truly miss being pregnant. Personally I discover pregnancy somewhat similar to parenting in that respect it can be amazingly intense and astonishingly fantastic simultaneously. Unknown to the fact if this will be my final pregnancy kind of makes me want to clutch on to it and savor every little instant that much more (though, maybe not the part where I feel like a zombie). I realize that when it descends to glancing back on now and the next couple of weeks, it’s very possible that it all seems like a vague memory which is precisely what it feels when I flash back to having June. As a result of that, I am continually making myself remember not to long away these last couple of weeks and to ensure that I discover time to really cease and cherish them.
Pregnancy even though difficult at times is a gift. I’ll never quit feeling inspired by the utter enchantment our bodies can do and the truly fascinating way they can create the most unique and priceless tiny humans. Each day I spend hours visualizing what our baby will be like, what kind of identity he will lead on to possess and how it would feel to have a family of four. My heart is rejoiced with bliss and delight regarding these thoughts that I have genuinely never felt more content my whole life. After I had June, I have understood what my life is truly all about – it’s about family and bliss, it’s about producing recollections and sharing giggles. It’s about rejoicing the highs and grasp from the lows. Its regarding bringing up your kids most excellent way you can possibly muster and it’s about feeling glad of each small detail they do and will go on to do.
And when you consider the tough times you experience amidst your pregnancy and then you consider it, then all the exhaustion, hurt, pains and whatever else begins to feel irrelevant – Don’t you agree?